How can babies tell when you’ve decide to nap when they’re napping? They know. And then they adjust their nap time accordingly. Spawn never has 20 min. naps anymore unless I’ve decided to lie down too. This is why I don’t sleep when she’s sleeping. Tired is better than tired + rage. That’s why I’ve started this blog: to keep me awake.
Spawn waved good bye for the first time. It was very cute. It happened because my mother waved goodbye to her first. It seemed so natural… almost like she had done it before… many, many times… Wait a minute. I think she had done it before but I just didn’t notice because all I saw were arms flailing, nothing new there. I wonder when she actually did do it for the first time? It was cute but it’s not a big deal, right? Wrong. It’s HUGE. Imagine if she never mastered the wave? For the rest of her life she would leave people with the worst impression, too cold or lazy to give even a simple wave goodbye to show she cared. I can rest easy knowing that another milestone can be ticked off the list. Well, I can’t rest easy. She just mastered the goodbye wave, not sleeping through the night milestone.
Hiring one nanny: non smoker, bondable, must be available all weekends and from 12am-9am. Well, 12am-noon.
I don’t usually mind being housebound on weekends but this weekend I did. It was my friend’s birthday and I really wanted to go and celebrate it with her. It’s not that I don’t have options for babysitters, I do. But she wakes up so often and the few times that I’ve gone out and my co-pilot has stayed home with her, it did not end well. I wondered how far the monitor could reach? My friend’s place is only a couple blocks away… but decided against it. Then it hit me! A way to kill two birds with one stone: the Ferber method, AKA crying it out. While I’m out enjoying my Friday night my baby can work on her sleeping problems and hopefully by the time I get back she’ll have sorted herself out. If not, well, there’s always next weekend.
I started exercising this week. I went to a class because it’s too embarrassing to quit half way through and leave. I figure this may be the key to my success. It was difficult. I’m pretty sure that I haven’t jumped in a year. Mostly I found it challenging to coordinate my body because my ass was in a different time zone the entire time. Nice of it to show up at all, I guess. Hopefully this won’t be a repeat of January: start exercising fairly often for two weeks and then a three month break. While that way was easy, the results were disappointing.
Follow this link to find out how Heidi Klum was able to be in a Victoria Secret show two months after having her third baby. I had to read the instructions three times because I thought it said to lie face down. I thought: if I can lie face down and hold a ball over my head at the same time I’m probably in better shape than I thought? Anyway. After I finish my cognac I’m going to try this one out!
In conclusion, I should add that I don’t judge Heidi for working outside of the home. I could do a lingerie show but I want to be there for my baby’s special moments. It’s just a personal choice.
You always know where you stand with a baby. Sometimes this can be annoying and it would be more pleasant if they would just bury their emotions but mostly it is refreshing. You never have to wonder: does he like me? is he thinking about someone else? is he mad at me? he’s so distant, does he still love me? because they are more than happy to voice their discontent.
Lovers in a Danerous Time, or Catholics don't like birth control
My maternal grandmother had seventeen children. My mom is the sixteenth. That is octo mom’s latest eight, plus John and Kate’s eight, plus Suri Cruise.
I literally cannot imagine having that many kids. She was pregnant for 12.75 years. I bet she stopped noticing that she was pregnant around the 14th. I bet sometimes one kid would pop into her head and she’d realize that she had completely forgotten that kid existed. I bet sometimes she really, really, really hated my grandfather. And you know what? She never ended up being taken care of by one of her kids when she was old. So, there goes that plan.
I went out for 2.5 hours the other night. I wore a maternity shirt. How sad is that? Pretty sad. But you know what’s even sadder? Wearing underwear that you wore when you were pregnant that aren’t actual maternity underwear but regular ones that have, as a result of wearing them when humungous, significantly stretched out. Umm… who would do that?
One word: hemorrhoids. I know why people don’t talk about this stuff. It’s because you don’t want someone to decide not to have kids and leave you all alone with your baby and your hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids are the swelling of veins on your can and according to the Bible, hemorrhoids are God’s way of punishing you for having sex in the first place. And just in case you were considering having sex ever again, let me tell you what I was told when I asked how to get rid of them: you have to push. Them. Back. In. Into your ass! The fun never ends!
“Dean and I are going to take a hiatus from having babies. But when we decide to have more, maybe I will be able to produce triplets! I’d like that. But that would be in the future - not right now. I am going to have a little break to raise the babies we have. But we definitely want more. Tori Spelling”—People compare themselves to celebrities and usually feel like they come up short. Moms usually feel like they’re failing in some or every aspect of their lives. I thought that being a new mother and comparing myself to celebrities might be a bad idea but comparing myself to crazy ones might make me feel really great! I was right! I thought I’d start with Tori Spelling. Who thinks triplets is a good idea? Except maybe someone who doesn’t have any kids. She must be ca-razy. Tori: 0, Me: 1.
I was feeling guilty about the quality of time that I spent with my baby and asked a friend how she spent her time with her baby. Specifically, I was wondering if she always played with her baby. She told me that she does. Umm. That’s… great. Because that’s what I’m like too.
So just for fun, I googled ‘how to play with your baby' and 'make my baby a genius' and 'how to make my baby better than other babies' and was side tracked reading about how to lose the baby weight, learned about when it's not considered 'baby weight' anymore, then wound up reading about a couple who have sex everynight as an 'experiment' and finally ended up finding this article.
See? It’s normal to want to look at pictures of your child instead of the real thing, be tempted to turn on cartoons, consider starting a distracting blog, or invest in an exersaucer. Just because I’m not like that doesn’t mean that I judge you if you are. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go practice cursive writing with my 7 month old.
PS: I did all my googling after my babe was fast asleep. And I like spending time with her WAY better than cleaning the toilet.
“Have you met my Silent Partner?”—I’m going to start introducing my sig. other this way. I think it efficiently sums up my expectations. I hate calling him my husband (as I did today) because it’s not fair that he gets that title for free and because I’m afraid I’ll be found out. I also hate boyfriend because it makes me feel twelve. Finally, I really hate partner. It’s just so cold. I may as well just say co-parent. Or associate. In fact, I think I will. At least until I get a ring.
In times of economic hardship, it’s important to make your money stretch. These ideas sound horribly dull and bland (see #2) but then there is more money left for ME. It doesn’t say to cut my hair at home…
Sometimes it’s the little things that I miss being able to do. I used to love going for long drives by myself while loudly singing along to the music and yes, smoking. Sigh. Now when I go for drives I get neck spasms from reaching behind me to put the soother in the baby’s mouth. And I don’t smoke anymore.